I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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