He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
