your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
