She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
