lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
