i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
