okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
