I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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