Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Come on in and take your pants off
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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