i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
