tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
