69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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