Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
