I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
