A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
