Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
