He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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