so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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