oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
