I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
