if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
