she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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