Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
