I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
