i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
