And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
