took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
