honey bunches of taint.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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