We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
