I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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