I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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