Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
