I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
