i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
