my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
