quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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