we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
