Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
