So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
