I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
