Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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