I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
