She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
