Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
