I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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