it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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