You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
