Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
