I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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