Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
