is wine microwaveable?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
