You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
