Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
